Setting Boundaries with Mania
Photo by JIN Qin on Unsplash
Yippee! It's spring! Winter is over, and it's not too hot to go for a walk!
Oh, look! A pretty bird! I wonder where it's going. I wish I could fly like that.
Oh, or maybe I'd rather be like that butterfly, just floating along.
I wonder what I can do today. I don't want to go to work. Why waste a gorgeous day sitting in an office?
I think I'll go over to the lake and rent a canoe. Or, maybe I can call a friend and see if she would like to go with me!
We could get matching kayaks or something. Isn't today just a glorious day!
It is. Until it’s not.
Some days, I awaken, feeling in love with life and all of the wonderful things that surround us! I think with exclamation points, and I determine that nothing is going to change my mood today.
And it usually doesn’t. That day.
If those days were only about being a little too happy, it wouldn’t be so bad. It’s not, though, as the people close to us know. Oh, they may think, “How nice! It’s such a good day! Maybe things are turning around.”
That’s what they think until I call, needing their help. For example, a speeding ticket is a relatively mild form of punishment for speeding, unless you add the costs of higher insurance rates and such things. Especially if you decide, as your glorious fun-loving self, not to pay the ticket and you end up being arrested instead.
Spring is a common time for people to experience hypomania or mania due to Daylight Savings Time, budding flowers and trees, daylight, and the ability to get outside more. The long winter is over, and now it’s time to party!
Sometimes, we even bamboozle our caregivers.
If it has felt like an especially long time since we have had hypomania and/or mania, our caregivers may be distressed over that lowered mood as well. Our disorder does not affect only us. It affects the people around us, too.
He wonders, should I say this because she might fly off the handle or burst into tears? Or, she thinks, is it okay to turn the tv to something I want to watch since he’s asleep anyway? Will he wake up and hit me like he did last time?
They are so happy things seem better that they choose not to see the mountain top where we’re heading is dangerous. For awhile, things seem better.
Why don’t we just enjoy the mountaintop?
In short, because it’s such a hard landing when we take a swan dive off the peak.
It has been so difficult to manage the depression that we have lived for the manic episodes to come back around. It’s such a welcome relief from the horror lying between our ears, and we don’t want to give it up. Mania has saved us many times in the past.
No one is begrudging us the times we feel good.
Our families and friends (coworkers, too, probably) want us to feel good. They may not understand what we are going through or why we can’t just “snap out of it.” They’ve seen the struggle, though, and they would love for us to have stable moods. Again, our struggles do not only affect us.
Each time we have a too-cheerful mood, those around us are hopeful that, “finally, it’s over!” You may have had someone say about your depressive moods, “I thought you’d outgrown that.” They usually don’t say that when you’re happy. At least, not at first.
So, why let go of the upturns, even a little?
Would you give up chocolate? How could you even consider giving up good times?!
The goal of treating moodswings is to bring them down to a calm point where they will stay in that place most days. You’ll still have some ups and some downs like everyone else, but if these moods can be leveled out, maybe the downs wouldn’t be so down—and maybe you wouldn’t do so many risky things when you’re having a good time.
Are there other things besides medications which can level out moods?
There are lots of things that can help, but they are not usually quick and easy fixes. They are routines which have to happen the majority of your days. This means making yourself do things you don’t want to do sometimes and restricting yourself from doing other thing you really want to do.
We cannot always control how we feel, but I am convinced, we can control more of what we do through practice. Try some things like this:
Set up a predetermined bedtime which is only rarely broken. Am I being fanatical about bedtime, really? Yes, I’m a big believer in going to bed at the same time each day and getting up at the same time. There are nights where I cannot sleep, but I promise myself I will not get up before 3AM. On the other hand, I do not lie in bed past 5AM. Even if I have to take a nap later, I get up at 5 to have some quiet time to myself.
Learn how to focus on the present moment. It’s easy to get swept off into some catastrophe of our own making. It happens to the best of us. However, if you can bring yourself back to the reality of that moment, you know, the one where you’re just having a cup of coffee out on the back porch, it limits the raging thoughts that can fuel mania or depression.
Meditation is a good thing to learn and to do daily. This is a little different than mindfulness, but they can be combined. Start small with this practice and gradually work yourself up. In other words, don’t start with a 20-minute meditation and expect to get it right the first time. I often use guided meditations on YouTube. Try different ones until you find the voice, pace, and mental activities you like.
Engage in daily exercise. No, your doctor did not call me and ask that I write this. Exercise can sometimes send the mood up for awhile, but it typically doesn’t produce the long, destructive high that we feel when we’re manic with no place to release energy.
Management of symptoms is an everyday requirement for our disorder.
I really hate for people to tell or remind me what I need to do. Even if it’s me doing the telling or reminding.
After years of dealing with these symptoms, though, I know that someone has to be driving the train. This responsibility falls to someone else if I refuse to take ownership of it. And I hate that, too. When I leave it for someone else, I begin to hate them in their efforts to keep me healthy. That’s a little too much anger, even for me.
When we have chronic conditions, we don’t get vacations from taking care of ourselves. This everyday consideration of your disorder in every little thing often results in caregiving fatigue—even if you’re the caregiver and the patient.
Whether we like it or not—and we may both like it and not like it at times—bipolar disorder is something we take with us on our daily journey through life. I don’t know why I was “chosen.” It doesn’t matter if I know the why. All that matters is that I understand that I have this companion and do what I need to do.
Sometimes small things become big in my mind. I really don’t want to do them, such as, I hate filling my pillbox. I think it’s ridiculous how many medications and supplements I take. I grumble and put it off as long as I can. Frankly, I won’t admit to myself very often just how much I detest this exercise. Probably because I feel like I shouldn’t have to take so many pills every day.
Well, maybe I shouldn’t have to, but I do. It’s what has to happen in order for me to keep doing what I need to do.
So, what do we do with these lovely days of spring?
If you are struggling with just a little too much happiness, try these things:
Set an alarm to remind you when you need to start getting ready for bed. Set another alarm for when you need to be in bed.
Don’t ask yourself, Do I really want to go to bed? You go.
Don’t play on your phone because it will keep you up.
You may end up looking at a dark ceiling all night, but stay in bed until at least 2 hours prior to your normal getting up time.
Practice your focus. Give yourself the assignment of listening or reading carefully until you understand what is being said or read. My focus is shot when I’m manic, so I do not always remember information I’ve been given.
When I’m trying to comprehend what another person is saying, I picture a pinpoint of visual focus and force my attention on that dot. I make that dot the pinpoint of what the other person is saying. You may become hyper-focused with this so be extra careful if you also have ADHD.
With reading, I read the same two sentences over until I can string together some meaning for the words. I don’t get through reading material as quickly, but I can still comprehend even though I am manic.
Use your uplifted mood. Record the happy thoughts, whether that is on paper, computer or phone. Record the dreams of that good life you’re having right now. Don’t worry about being grammatically correct. Make the words as simple as possible as long as you think you will be able to recall the thought on a normal day. “Castle” may mean where you want to live someday. It can also be a chess move, so know which one you’re likely to have meant.
It’s a grand adventure, this life we have. Sometimes it sucks, but that makes the happiness even more appreciated.
Advocacy
There are times when people are rude and dismissive when they see our diagnosis. Sometimes people are in the midst of their own struggles and have no energy left to be compassionate to us. Even though the way they treat us may have little to do with us, we still need to be heard.
At times like these, it’s important we advocate for ourselves. You can be kind while still being firm. There’s no point in making enemies of health providers, especially if you have to see them on a regular basis. When you slip up in your attitude, apologize. It’s just the right thing to do.
Practice the following phrases while looking into a mirror until you can say them without anger or sarcasm:
“I have a mental illness but that does not mean I am unaware or uneducated or incapable of functioning. I am just trying to understand what you need from me.”
“Yes, I have challenging days. I bet you do, too. Maybe not just like mine, but still, challenging. I want to understand how we can work together on this. Any ideas?”
“It’s probably really difficult to help someone who struggles with cognition, but I really want to understand. Would you tell me again, please?”
“I can tell you’re trying to help me which I really appreciate. You might have to go a little slower for me to take in everything so you don’t have to keep repeating yourself.”
Did you know?
There is no reliable way to diagnose people from the past with bipolar disorder except by historical accounts of their behaviors, and even that can be dicey. It’s suspected that these ten prominent nineteenth-century people in the United States had bipolar disorder:
Five Men:
Edgar Allan Poe
Abraham Lincoln
Herman Melville
Lord Byron
Mark Twain
Five Women:
Virginia Woolf
Mary Todd Lincoln
Charlotte Perkins Gilman
Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Emily Dickinson
Success story
Julie Fast
Writer, researcher, consultant. And fellow struggler.
Julie Fast has been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type, so she understands what it is like to struggle to get your brain to do things that other people think of as normal. She regularly writes for bpHope and other magazines as well as writing her own books. She is an example of someone taking lemons and making lemonade.
Her website is https://juliefast.com/
Crisis Lines and Resources
National Crisis Line: 988 or chat 988lifeline.org
National Text Line: Text Home or MHA to 741741
National Veteran Line: Dial 988 and then press 1
Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance: Text DBSA to 741741