Photo by Josh Hild on Unsplash
The Whiny Voice. The paralysis. The Lack of Motivation. Call it what you will, it keeps us from doing what we need to do whether those things be making changes that we need to make or getting things cleaned around the house or, somedays, getting out of bed.
Prior to 2022, I’d had the crippling depression which kept me inert so in that regard, I knew what lack of motivation was. Still, I didn’t understand how something could seem so huge or odious that I could not bear to do it.
Unreasonably so.
When I’ve pushed all I can.
I developed Long Covid in 2022, and that, added to all my other health challenges, was the straw that broke my back. I reached a point where I just couldn’t. It wasn’t even that I didn’t want to. There were things I wanted to do but could not seem to get done.
Perhaps defining motivation would be helpful. Motivation is impetus. It’s not necessarily wanting to do something. It could be deciding the consequences are bad enough that you’d rather do the task than deal with the aftermath of not doing it.
I can still usually do one small thing.
I’ve found that getting myself started is often more than half the battle. If I can get over the hurdle of beginning, I’m able to continue on. In these situations, I’ve often over-dramatized my feelings of not being able to act. I build the task up so much in my mind that the first step feels impossible.
At that point, I have more success getting started if I slow myself down, analyze the task as it really is, and start with the first small step—which usually isn’t as bad as I’ve made it out to be. Then, I’m able to do it with a realistic mindset.
I have a friend who talks about mopping four squares of the kitchen floor. She makes a deal with herself that she has to mop only those four squares, but, when she gets the four squares clean, it seems a bit ridiculous not to do the rest of the floor. Or, she does only the four squares and fulfills her promise to herself. Either way, she’s done something.
I might have to start with promising myself that all I have to do is get the mop out, but you get the picture. Make the first step one so ridiculously small that you can get it done with minimal effort.
Rational in an irrational way
Cut yourself some slack, though. I believe most of our reluctance to start has some basis in reality. We may not be aware of what has brought it on, but I think we rarely do things without a “good” reason—good as defined by some part of our brains.
The good reason may have made sense at another time or in different circumstances, but somehow, we labeled that action as “good” and carried it forward. It may make no sense now, but we may feel a foreboding of doom if we try to do something.
Beating yourself up because you think or feel reluctant to act is rarely helpful. Just assume that some part of yourself was logical in the past, validate your feelings, and focus on the next step.
What next?
· Figure out your reluctance. First, I try to figure out why I’m averse to doing the task I start with the simple question of Why? Why really do I not want to do this today? If you have a valid reason, try a work-around. You might have an alternative.
· If your reason isn’t apparent, figure out if the task is truly essential. Sometimes I tell myself I need to do something when it isn’t necessary at that time. Or, necessary at all. If it’s something I want done badly enough or that has to be done, I proceed onward.
· Sometimes, I bribe myself. I’ll think of some way I can reward myself in a small way like with an extra cup of coffee or an extra round of Solitaire. I usually don’t go way out on the reward because I’m not going to spend a lot of money bribing myself.
· If I still don’t want to do it but I have to, I have a pseudo-sitdown talk with myself. “Self, I know you don’t want to do this. I get that you’re tired (or don’t feel good or whatever), but some things just have to get done. And, this is something that has to be done.”
· I break the task into micro-steps. I might even start with, I’ll put on my shoes, just to start the impetus of movement. I’m more likely to do a task if I’m already moving than if I’m lying on the couch.
· I set a time investment as well. So, “Self, do this one small step to start and keep with that for 15 minutes. Then, you can take a break before you go any further.”
This is usually enough.
If I go through all of these mental gymnastics, I have usually waited out my resistance, and I just do it—just to be done with it.
Yes, we may have the additional challenge of having to convince a bipolar brain to cooperate, but even we have some control over what we do. It may not be easy or the most fun thing ever, but sometimes, we have to prod that rational part of our brains to take charge and run the show.
Disciplining ourselves to complete tasks or to override impulsivity requires practice and hard work, but it gets easier with time. We may not always get it right, but we’ll have a better shot at it if we work at acting the way that we want to be. Acting as we feel like acting doesn’t cut it a lot of the time.
Sometimes, we have to champion that iron-fisted parent to get things done.
Research and Advocacy
In February, news sources announced that another antipsychotic, iloperidone or brand name Fanapt, was approved for treating bipolar mania . Fanapt was approved in years past for treating schizophrenia, although some doctors had used it off-label for treating mania even then.
This added option is good news because it opens up the possibility that insurance companies will cover it as a legitimate treatment for bipolar disorder while it also supplies psychiatrists with an option they may have been reluctant to try due to lack of research.
Like other antipsychotics, there are side effects, and not everyone will respond to it. However, it’s encouraging to know that research is still being done on new medications to treat this disorder.
Did you know? Estimates are:
Over 50% of people with bipolar disorder will have psychosis at some point in their lives. This might be seeing things that aren’t there, hearing things that aren’t there, coming up with paranoid conspiracies. It can be very strange to find yourself in some not-so-realistic scenarios, especially if you suspect you’re not firing all cylinders or too many cylinders, but it is at least halfway likely you’ll experience at some point. If this becomes a reality for you, don’t tell yourself that you “must be really crazy.” Just understand it as another symptom of the disorder without attaching a judgment of good or bad to it.
Success story
Metta World Peace, formerly Ron Artest, was a basketball player for the Los Angeles Lakers during the 2010 championship season and, afterwards, has worked with squad development for their G League. He has been outspoken about having bipolar disorder and has had to deal with public displays of the disorder such as the labeled Malice at the Palace, a ballcourt brawl in 2004. Many of us have displayed less-than-desirable traits at some point when we’re struggling with moodswings so we probably understand such displays a little better than other people do. Regardless, this is a reminder that we don’t totally lose our value or are disqualified from working towards wholeness by messing up. Metta World Peace speaks loudly for mental health awareness even today.
Crisis Lines and Resources
National Crisis Line: 988 or chat 988lifeline.org
National Text Line: Text Home or MHA to 741741
National Veteran Line: Dial 988 and then press 1
Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance: Text DBSA to 741741